This is not helping my stress level at all.

This makes me sad.

So, I have been struggling with writing a new entry. Mainly because with every idea I have to write about I want to supplement it with a fabulous picture. My two favorite blog followers and followees, Shan and Acacia, have new cameras and it makes me green with envy. All I want to do is grab my camera and take pictures of something pretty, something funny, something compelling, something silly that my son did, or just something that makes me want to write. Unfortunately I haven't been able to do so because, as many of you know, a few weeks ago someone stole my favorite purse (or luggage, whatev) along with the contents. Inside was my beloved digital camera *sigh*, my wallet (with no cash inside, so take that you dirty ****) my asthma prescription (so they apparently didn't care if I died), and my favorite lip gloss. And yes, being without my lip gloss really REALLY pissed me off. Oh and get this, they also stole my pretty green sweater that I had draped over it too! I was cold...jerks! Nobody thinks about the aftermath of getting your purse stolen. For one, you bet your ass that your keys were in there. So, you are left with a locked house that is holding your spare keys hostage and the only way to get in is to climb a ladder barefoot (cause you wore hooker heels) to the second story window and pray that you left it unlocked. Then say another prayer because you are really effing high in the air and you have to swing your leg wearing tight ass skinny jeans over the window ledge and fall to the floor on the other side. WHEW! I made it. Now, where is my spare car key? Mother Trucker. Who knows?! After digging and digging through everything imaginable I find it amongst my bras and underwear in my top dresser drawer. Yep right there with my leather and lace. Haha, just kidding :) But seriously, who puts stuff like that in their underwear drawer?! Apparently I did...ugh. So, I get my car key and end up having to replace all the locks in the house because I had no spares for those. And if you have ever had to replace door locks, then you know they are just evil. 'Nuff said. Grrrr. I think what made me the most upset (yes, I cried like a baby) was that someone I possibly knew would do something like that to me. BUT, all in all, everything turned out fine. I got to take a new drivers license picture which was a plus if you ever had the misfortune of seeing my other one. I also got some retail therapy by getting a new purse and wallet.

THE END.

P.S. See how I managed to make everything 'PG' in the above story?

Which brings me to my next topic.

Why you might frequently see me swear on my blog.

Because I fucking can, that’s why.

I don't swear in front of my son. Regularly. I don’t swear in front of people that I don't know. In fact if I hear some douchebag 13 year old on the street letting loose I tell him to shut the hell up. Doesn't he realize there are kids around? I try to be respectful as much as possible.

But I have it in me, and just like the release valve on a pressure cooker, sometimes I have to let out a little steam. And this blog is an outlet for me to let out most of that steam, occasionally. So hello lovely blog-readers, here it comes.

Slut-bag-ho-motherfucker.

And now I can go another day without stroking out. My best friend gets it, and I suspect some of the rest of you do too. So, pardon my French, and please PLEASE don't get offended.

Which brings me to my final topic for today...

Dear Target Checker 'Lauren',

This is a store, not your dimwitted social club. Hey, look at that, the woman ahead of me is hugely pregnant. I bet she’s not tired of talking about it, oh no. I bet she loves hearing you say she looks like she’s going to deliver on the spot even though she’s 5 weeks from her due date. No really, she loves hearing that your sister-in-law is due today. Truly, that’s fascinating stuff.

And you bet I loved it when you tried to drag me into your moronic conversation. Oh wait, when I nearly growled at you and turned back to my cart, did that make you start ringing things up faster? No? Well, next time I’ll have to just jump across the checkout lane and make my point a little more emphatically.

XOXO,
Jillian

And that, my friends, is a good weeks worth of shit that has been on my mind. I will try to be a little less neurotic next time, I promise. :) What a good way to end my weekend. Ahhhh. :)