Most of my family and friends are fully aware of the pain this causes me.
Let me explain in three simple words: I hate pets.
Don't get me wrong, I am an advocate for the fair treatment of animals and I'm not pulling any Michael Vick shenanigans or anything, so don't worry. To me...fish are gross, rodents are rotten, birds are annoying, dogs are a tad better... and cats just suck. And they all stink.
Cats suck for the following reasons:
1.) They leave hair everywhere, which then gets on your clothes. Who really wants to spend an hour before leaving the house using a lint roller?
2.) They shit in a box. In your house. (if you're lucky, they make it in the box). Does anything about that sound wrong to you?
3.) They lick themselves to get clean and then rub their faces up against you. I don't care what they say...those enzymes in their saliva aren't THAT effective.
4.) They scratch the be-jesus out of you if you piss them off for any reason. They don't mess around!
5.) They don't listen. They will literally look at you like you are the dumbest human on the planet and then just walk away.
One more thing: please tell me you don't put your dog or cat in clothing. Like my sister Cindy who puts a raincoat on her dog. (btw sis, if you are reading this, sorry to call you out on that :/) No wonder they scratch or bite you when they catch you off guard.
Mind you, I am really really REALLY allergic to cat and dog hair so I think that plays a big part. Just thinking about it makes my eyes water. So, needless to say, I avoid animals like the plague and pray to God that when I visit someones house they don't have 20 of the suckers just lying around. It's my worst nightmare! Even worse, why is it that whenever I enter a room they come flying at me like I am their long lost best friend? Seriously?! Don't they know that if the owner wasn't there I would probably elbow them off the arm of the couch without hesitation and laugh about it? I think ALL animals just like to torture me. For example, I was at my sister Tina's house not long ago and we were out in the backyard and their lab 'Bass' (thankfully for me they keep him outside) came up to me and sneezed right on my hand. Snot and dirt and the whole shebang. C'mon! And it's not just household pets that torture me. I was driving down the road today and a full size vulture (not just some little starling or even a fat bluejay) but a freaking VULTURE jumped off a fence along the road and attempted to fly straight into my windshield. Does that happen?! Only to me! Oh and I would like to apologize to God for that entire family of raccoons that I plowed into one evening last week. I really REALLY tried to swerve! See what I mean? I think they are all out to get me! We'll probably get a dog someday and I'll build a special compound for that d-bag in the back yard. But until then I will make it no secret that I don't like your animals. Oh and please remove that 400 picture album of your pets from your Facebook profile cause nobody really cares. Okay, I'm done. Thanks for listening and understanding. :)
I googled the words 'annoying cat' and this is the video that came up. It made me laugh so hard! Enjoy!
LOL, No hard feelings about putting clothes on Summer. Just to defend my actions...I only put clothes on her when its cold outside. Since she is short haired I feel bad when she shivers and looks at me with very pitiful eyes as if to say, "please don't make me go out in the cold" as I am dragging her (all 78 lbs) with her putting on full brakes, bracing herself against the door jams. I'm sure you can picture this with me cursing at her. As for the pictures... MY dog has a super personallity (as all dog/cat owners say) but from her pictures, which are only a few, are funny. I think you have even laughed. Thanks for the good laughs, you have a very valid point about pet picture absessions and about cats. I'm with you on the whole cat thing they are a pain. Love ya! C
ReplyDeleteAh, the avid animal hater/ misunderstanding soul. It takes a certain person to love animals. With the fact of allergies playing a huge role in your life, I too could understand the havoc it can play on one physically. But not ALL dogs/cats are the same. There are exceptions to every rule. Many people that have come to my house could not believe it when I told them that I have animals for I am overly anal about animal hair and smell, sounds simply fickle considering I love them but hate the smell and hair...hence why I am meticulous about cleaning and deodorizing everything. I even vaccuum my couches daily so we dont have that annoying, get up wearing black but you are covered in millions of tiny hairs issue. Some people dont care and ruin it for others. Or have some annoying dog or cat that would leave you alone because it is not trained and runs a persons house or life. Like those people out there that think their pets own them, not vise versa.
ReplyDeleteOk with that being said, I do love animals with all of my heart and can perspectively understand your view point and respect it, but keep in mind, not all animal owners keep filthy houses :D
What?! I can't believe you are speaking ill of my stinky, never ending shedding, but never the less loyal, and on deaths door dog (remember he does have an enlarged heart)...poor Bass!! And, you even said you'd miss him!! I did have a good laugh reading this though :)
ReplyDeleteTina
To Anonymous person above: I didn't mean to offend, just my opinion and an explanation of why I don't have animals. However, I didn't say that all animal owners had filthy houses :) Kudos to you for loving your animals. I will love them from afar :) I'm a lover! lol
ReplyDeleteWatch the video...it will make every insensitive thing I said melt away.:D Oh and Tina, I DO love Bass, he has been a part of the family for 13 years now right? He's like the annoying brother-in-law that won't go away...teehee.
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up!!!! Good points!!! :D
ReplyDelete