Time

It has been six years since my last blog post. 
As I type that, I have to laugh because it sounds as if I'm sitting in a confessional. You'll have to forgive me, caffeine is still holding me hostage and it's dark and all sorts of midnight and I can't sleep. I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, time. It goes by at a trickle on Mondays and like a raging river on Fridays. Memories fade, yet some are so vivid you can close your eyes and replay them like it all happened yesterday. A lot has happened in six years. In no particular order: I found love and fell out of it, started school and finished it [for now], went to the gym then got sucked into the couch then went to the gym again then may have bought a new couch to get sucked into, snagged a job I love after a few failed attempts to even like a few others, shit hit the fan and then it all worked out [like always], my heart and mind grew and learned how to live in a more peaceful and positive place, I learned the importance of simple kindness, I helped sustain a life form a.k.a. the love of my life a.k.a. my [almost] eleven year old, 
and the list goes on...

So here I am. Back to a blank screen with a blinking cursor and lots of space to fill with what my life has been like for the last six years, and you know what? I really don't want to talk about most of it. Not right now at least. If I could pick a life mantra it would have to be "keep moving forward". So I will and I am. I'm here for a reason though, right? To vent. To pour my heart out to the willing reader. To embrace a little vulnerability and raw emotion. To be heard. So, if you're willing to listen, stay tuned. Jillian's back. 

Back in the day...

It's amazing the memories someone's capable of keeping about the people they love. The vivid pictures of my life and the memories attached are something that I wish I could print out and create a tangible book for all to read. I would publish it if I could. To me, my good memories are so special that I feel it's impossible for others to have the kind of history and family I do. I could brag about my dad to no end; in fact I have and it's just not received the way I expect it to be. They should be speechless. They should want to hear more and in detail. They should laugh and cry. They should be proud. But, the reality is that those are MY feelings and memories about my dad and nobody else's. He was the most important person in my life. I often find myself saying, "What would my dad do?" As a parent, I compare myself to him all the time. I NEVER remember my dad raising his voice to me. Well, maybe there were a FEW times in high school, and believe me I really deserved it. :) All in all, his level of patience with me was incredible. I wish I could be the same way.

Born in 1950, he was from a different time. A time where tradition and family meant everything. He was adopted into a beautiful family as the 4th child and only boy. They were the epitome of the American dream. They owned 'Knight's Ben Franklin Store' and were heavily involved in their church. My dad was in the Boy Scouts and he ran around with his friends and played cops and robbers and jumped off of things with a cape around his neck pretending to be Superman. He had a tree house with a secret club where, as you can guess, no girls were allowed. It's funny, because much of the movie 'The Christmas Story' makes me laugh...because what Ralfie does and says remind me of what it might have been like during those times that my dad was in school and playing with his friends. I have a book titled 'School Memories' in which classmates and teachers of his wrote excerpts to my dad. Here are just a few of them:

There were several letters, poems and rhymes by the kids that were so hilarious... here are a few!

This one is from what I would consider a 'good pal'. :)

Several pages after, here is the letter from Ann W.!


From one of his best buds, Mike Dodge.

So, it looks like my dad may have been quite the ladies man in school, to his own dismay. :) In the end, this blog post was started after coming across a picture that made me smile. I think it captures the true essence of the time, his childhood, and the fun spirit my dad was and will always be to me.

I miss you, Dad. ♥

What's your definition of a life fulfilled?

I watched my first episode of 'The Buried Life' on MTV yesterday and it got me thinkin'...if life ended today tomorrow what would I hope/wish/pray that I had accomplished in my lifetime? Why put off my dreams for "someday"? Many of the things on my list would take a loooooong lifetime to accomplish simply given the time constraints. However, I also realize that many of the things I would like to do require a lot of $$ that (at the moment) I don't appear to have! Nonetheless, I am creating a list of things I want to experience. Several that I am happy to be able to start crossing off today!!

Travel:

• The Basilica di San Marco, Venice
• St. Peter's Basilica, The Vatican, Rome
• The Acropolis, Greece
• The Pyramids of Giza, Egypt (on a camel)
• Stonehenge, United Kingdom
• The Sydney Opera House, Australia
• Eiffel Tower, Paris
• The Colosseum, Rome
• The Great Wall of China
• The Taj Mahal, India
• Mardi Gras, New Orleans
• Santorini
• Victoria Falls
• Iguaza Falls
• The Great Barrier Reef
• Amazon Rainforest
• The U.S. Virgin Islands
• Puerto Rico
• Japan
• Saipan, Marianas Islands
  
• Celebrate NYE in Times Square.
• Monuments/Museums in Washington, D.C.
• Drive across America coast-to-coast.

Personal Milestones:

• Attend my child's college graduation.
• Raise my son to be a good child teenager man.
  
• Travel the world with someone I love ♥.
• Embrace the relationship I have with my mother.
• Contact my biological grandparent(s).
• Identify someone who has inspired me most in my life and let them know how much.
• Encourage 10 people to make a list.
• Get closure on the pain in my past.
• Attempt to 'bury the hatchet' with people I've had conflict with.
• Give a rousing, touching, meaningful & funny toast.
• Be in the wedding party of a great friend.
• Always remember to give more than I receive.
• Earn a bachelor's degree.
• Learn conversational Spanish and French.
• Learn Sign Language.
• Learn to play the guitar.
  

Health/Fitness:

• Lose 30 pounds.
• Run a 5k.
• Run a 10k.
• Run a 15k.
• Run a half marathon.
• Run a marathon.
• Be physically fit and healthy.
• Be more self confident.
  

Career & Finance:

• Be debt free.
  
• Achieve financial abundance with my passion.
• Make a big donation to charity.
• Pay for someone's groceries.
• Take a job for the experience rather than the money.
• Have at least $10,000 in saving's.
• Win the lottery. ツ
• Give a stranger a $100 bill.
• Retire.

Random:

• Donate hair to 'Locks of Love'.
• Buy a piece of art.
• Own a pet.
• Read the bible.
• Own a home.
• Find my passion.
• Have my palm read.
  
• Write a children's book.
• Help build a Habitat for Humanity home.
• See Dave Matthew's Band in concert.
• See the Oprah Winfrey show before she is never heard from again (yeah right).
• Dance on the Ellen Degeneres show.
• Sit in first class.
  
• Volunteer at a local food bank.
• Attend the inauguration of a president.
• See a Broadway show in NYC.
• Attend the opera.
• Write a love letter.
• Be an organ donor.
• Get a concealed weapons license.
  
• Go a week (7 days) without television.
• Visit a U.S. war memorial in a foreign country.
  
• Attend my high school reunion.
• Send a message in a bottle.
• Sing karaoke. Solo.
• Find a 4-leaf clover. Preferably in Ireland.
• Join a cause.
• Tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue.
• Get through one game of chess.
• Meet a celebrity.
• Grow a garden.
• Learn how to use a sewing machine.
• Shop at the Mall of America.
• Donate blood.
• Watch the 10 greatest movies of all time: Citizen Kane, Casablanca, The Godfather, Gone with the Wind, Lawrence of Arabia, The Wizard of Oz, The Graduate, On the Waterfront, Schindler's List and Singin' in the Rain.
• Get in a bar fight. (added just for you, sis )

Adventure:

• Go on a helicopter ride.
• Hit the bullseye on an archery target.
• Overcome my fear of scuba diving.
• Go skiing/snowboarding.
• Go to an NFL game.
• Go to a MLB game.
• Climb to the top of a lighthouse.
• Drive a car worth more than my life.
  
• Ride a gondola in Venice.

Kinda liberating, isn't it? xoxo